We’ve all been there. We meet a great guy who we think is awesome… but then doubt creeps in. But because he has a great personality, he’s attractive, and pretty much everything you have been looking for, you ignore the signs. The signs that may be saying that he’s not exactly “Mr. Right.” In fact, he could very well be your “Mr. Wrong.”
So, why do we sometimes ignore the red flags that are staring us right in the face? For most women, they don’t even see or recognize the glaring problems with the man they are dating. Why? Perhaps it’s wishful thinking, and so they “look the other way.” Or maybe they truly just don’t know that they deserve better treatment.
Either way, it’s important to open your eyes and be on the lookout for bad behavior from men. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect – especially you!
No one wants to be with someone who is afraid of committing to you or otherwise emotionally unavailable. So, let’s look at the signs you should be on the lookout for so you don’t waste your time with the wrong man.
He doesn’t keep in touch as much as you want.
He probably said something on the first date like, “I don’t really like texting much because I don’t really know what to say.” Or, “My career keeps me so busy that I hardly have a free moment.” Or, “I’m a guy who likes my space.” You think it’s great that he’s being upfront early on, but as time goes by, you realize that you really aren’t connected at all when you are apart. That is because he doesn’t want to be very connected… to anyone. Including you.
How doesn’t make concrete plans with you.
Maybe it’s Thursday afternoon and he hasn’t suggested getting together for a date that weekend. So, you think it might be a good idea to suggest it yourself. If you get a response such as, “Sure. Let me check my schedule.” Well, that’s a bad sign. First off, “sure” isn’t enthusiastic enough. And second, he’ll probably “forget” to check his schedule and leave you hanging. This is disrespectful! Don’t put up with it!
He cancels plans.
Okay, so maybe he does make concrete plans with you. That’s a great start, but that’s not where the test ends. Does he actually follow through with his commitment to a date 100% of the time? Is he reliable? Can you count on him? Or do you always have an uneasy feeling in your stomach wondering if he’s actually going to cancel, or worse yet, stand you up. A quality man is a person of his word, and doesn’t cancel any plans unless an unforeseen emergency arises that is out of his control.
He is not affectionate.
This isn’t always a sign of a commitment-phobe or an emotionally unavailable man. However, it certainly could be. If you are an affectionate person and want to hold hands and cuddle, then you deserve someone else who does. And here’s another red flag – if he’s affectionate with you behind closed doors, but not in public when others are watching, then that’s a sign that he doesn’t want to “go public” with you and has no intentions of committing to you.
He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family.
This can go hand-in-hand with the not-affectionate-in-public red flag. Think about it – if a man is casually seeing someone (or just having sex with them), but he isn’t serious about her, then why would he want integrate that person into his life? He wouldn’t. So, a commitment-phobe and emotionally unavailable man will avoid introducing you to people who are important to him. That way, he doesn’t have to face the questions from them when he dumps you – because they simply don’t even know that you exist.
He doesn’t want to define the relationship.
Let’s say you’ve been seeing someone for a while. It could be a few dates, or a few months. But either way, if you don’t know where you stand with him, then that is not acceptable. Maybe you ask him, “What are we? Boyfriend/girlfriend? Are we in a relationship now?” And he probably responded with “Let’s just see where things go” or “Let’s just let it unfold naturally.” Well, if he says that, then he’s dodging the question. He doesn’t WANT to define the relationship. That’s because he has one foot out the door and will probably bolt if someone better comes along.
He never accepts your tags on social media.
I understand that a lot of people aren’t very into social media and don’t want their photos constantly put out there by other people. However, if you have been dating someone for a while, and you tag him in your posts and he doesn’t accept them (but accepts other people’s tags), well, then he’s doing it on purpose. He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s “taken.” He wants to appear to be a single man on social media. Why? Because then the chances are greater than someone else might hit on him.
Dating in the 21st century isn’t what it was like a few decades ago. It seems like so many men (and women too) are not living with integrity. So, if the man you are seeing is exhibiting any of these behaviors, then you need to seriously consider finding someone else who will treat you better and make you happier. After all, you deserve it!
Alice Donovan Rouse